Coaching, leadership, Performance psychology, Sports Psychology

Away From the Field

In these uncertain times, many voids fill our day. Like store shelves, emptiness is a reminder of what was there only a moment ago. We can live without sports and without competition. But that is not the point. In the void we can see all the things we take for granted, all the actions and choices that bring richness and fullness to life.

First and foremost, distance is a great teacher. Insight, hindsight, foresight and empathy all require distance in time and space. Without time and space and the reflection it offers, our perceptions would remain the same. So, in this separation from the playing field, make a pact that you will have a ritual to remind yourself of the blessing of play and the vehicle to grow.

Second, make a sincere and honest inventory of where you have come from and where you are going, who you are traveling with–and why.

Finally, notice we cannot make the journey alone. Appreciate those who help you, push you, and cooperate so that we can develop a sense of competence—the very source of competition. We need connection and we need to grow. Without these developmental processes we feel the emptiness that cannot be filled by any substance. For nothing replaces love, community, and passion.

 

If you would like more structure to take your mental approach to the next level, consider picking up a copy of my new sports psychology workbook: Above the Field of Play. Or to learn about other sports psychology services pricing (including an assessment of your present mental approach), visit my website at DrJohnPanepinto.com.

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photo credits: Max DiCapua, Francisco Gonzalez, Marvin Ronsdorf, Huy Phan (unspash.com)

Coaching, leadership, Sports Psychology

Coaching Young Children

Recently I started coaching a middle-schooler who was new to the game of tennis. I did my usual assessment of skills and was pleasantly surprised given his lack of on-court experience. He’d taken a few lessons at another club and about halfway into the lesson he started sharing some of the negativity that came his way during that time. These were global comments on his ability based on what seemed to be a small sample size.

Criticizing other coaches is not helpful. But this boy was simply doing something very human—dealing with the confusion of experiences. In this case, his venting helped clear the space for a fresh start which is important to the learning process. You can’t have two competing self-concepts (“I am not very good” and “I am learning and improving”) in mind and expect to be present.

I have enjoyed coaching him and, interestingly, what started as a “just a couple of lessons” turned into a “We’d like to continue.” I offer this piece of information because it speaks to his parent’s tentativeness based on the previous experience. No different than any other relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever answered more questions prior to a first lesson. It felt like an interview for a defense department security clearance. And for good reason!

Because everyone is someone’s son or daughter.

And making that connection helps you to make some space between your plan, your needs, and to see that you are responsible for someone’s child.

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Notice that the title of this piece is “Coaching Young Children” and when we use this term we often think of little ones— four, five, six, seven-year-olds… But the point is we all share the same emotions and express the same feelings. They are child-like and nearly entirely nonverbal. Sure, the expressions may seem more mature as we age, and the context may be more complex. But there is a good reason why the emotional areas of the brain develop first and before we can even use words. Because it all comes down to meaning, something we feel and something very hard to explain. Every experience has meaning even if we deem it to be meaningless.

Coaching a young child, a middle-schooler or an adult may look different on the surface, but at the core it’s pretty much the same. It’s an experience based on understanding and connection. You can’t learn, grow or develop without meaning. In other words, changing anything whether it is wiring muscle memory or rewiring the idea you have of your potential as a tennis player, is expensive. It’s costly in terms of effort and time, and it’s fueled by motivation—the core of which is emotion in motion. Notice that motivation, emotion, motion, and motive all share the same root. The source is the same and nothing happens unless emotion fuels the process. We like to think that logic dictates. But the hard challenges we take on don’t often make sense from the outside. And it’s because the motivation will always be a unique fire and a singular experience for the individual.

 

If you would like more structure to take your mental approach to the next level, consider picking up a copy of my new sports psychology workbook: Above the Field of Play. Or to learn about other sports psychology services pricing (including an assessment of your present mental approach), visit my website at DrJohnPanepinto.com.

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photo credits: Kelly Sikkema (unspash.com)

Coaching, leadership, Performance psychology, Sports Psychology

The Evolution of Coaching (Part 2)

As mentioned in the previous post, the evolution of a Coach’s way of knowing and making sense of experience passes through specific stages. Truthfully, development is dynamic, and these stages simply help us to understand how we experience our sense of self, other and the environment.

Before we describe these “types” of coaches, here are these simplified four stages of adult development from least to most complex:

  1. Self-Centered
  2. Culture-Centered
  3. Value-Centered
  4. Principle-Centered

Regardless of the role (coach, friend, parent, etc.) how we construct meaning and interact with the environment comes from who we are—our present way of constructing and knowing. Let’s take a brief look at each of these stages:

The Self-Centered Coach: Coaches in this stage of development are centered on their own needs. They understand that others have needs but can only think from one point of view. While these coaches can be knowledgeable and effective, others are seen as either helping or hindering their progress towards their personal goals. An actual quote from a coach in this stage at a team meeting which included players’ parents: “I don’t lose.” These coaches focus on externals and internally lack a sense of shared reality.

The Culture-Centered Coach: In this stage, coaches identify with whatever the organization values, and what they have learned about coaching from mentors and other authoritative sources. These coaches are loyal to players and programs, and conform to the rules (both implicit and explicit) that define the organizational culture. These coaches identify with the role and cannot separate their sense of self from the relationships to and within the organization. These coaches are their relationships.

The Value-Centered Coach: For the first time, coaches developed to this stage are self-aware and self-defining. They are able to hold the needs of the players, the programs, and their own needs in mind at the same time in order to make sense of experience. In other words, these coaches have relationships because they can separate their identity from players, programs, and culture. While, at times, their actions may look similar to the previous stages, the difference is that they are consciously choosing from the values underlying the choice. These coaches can think in terms of systems. They can act counter to the culture if it makes sense to them.

Principle-Centered Coaches: At this point in development, coaches function from universal principles. They can think in a system of systems, and one of these systems is their sense of self. This level of awareness matters because these coaches can transform and adapt their self to the role based on the underlying principle. In a way they are “self-less” because the self transforms to serve a larger cause.

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These stages are on the arc of human development, but at some point for adults growth is optional. Interestingly, nearly 60% of the adult population has not developed cognitively and social-emotionally to the stage described here as Value-Centered. While approximately 6-7% are in transition to the stage outlined as Principle-Centered, less than 1% fully reach this level of consciousness (and these adults are typically aged 40 or older). From this, we can suppose that many coaches are in the first two developmental stages of Self-Centered or Culture-Centered.

 While this is extremely important, rarely is the vertical aspect of development talked about or considered in coaching. Why and why is it important?

We take a closer look in the next post.

If you would like more structure to take your mental approach to the next level, consider picking up a copy of my new sports psychology workbook: Above the Field of Play. Or to learn about other sports psychology services pricing (including an assessment of your present mental approach), visit my website at DrJohnPanepinto.com.

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