Tag: Coaching

Performance psychology

Self-Talk

Dr. John Panepinto

I have stated (and others as well) in other works that self-talk is important for your internal environment, and helpful when it is positive and productive. In other words, we don’t need to keep our focus on the problem and what isn’t working because it’s very easy to get caught there. Positive and productive defines a “solutions focus,” which places valuable attention on adjusting and moving forward. It keeps us in a state of openness and a willingness to adapt.  

Sometimes self-talk reveals deeper patterns, so simply turning a negative into a positive has a good chance of failing. This falls in line with developments in the last few decades that focus on strategies, tools, and techniques rather than depth, intuition, development, and insight. The latter leads to understanding and alignment, meaning every part of us is in one place, with one intention, and heading in one direction.  

Importantly, anything we apply without understanding (tools, strategies, and techniques) to a complex situation rarely works long-term. These applications are always secondary because actions follow beliefs. In other words, actions and choices follow the prevailing mindset.  

Self-talk without understanding becomes empty words. Worse, you may feel more like a fraud. You can say, “I am a winner” in the mirror a thousand times, but that action won’t have much effect. Sure, it’s positive and affirming, but beneath the surface and under pressure the first two words twist into a question: “Am I…a winner?”  

Self-talk can be hindering, but it’s not just about the words. The mindset working beneath the surface needs to be tuned and updated, and maybe even some significant knots to be untied. Spending time examining history, and the beliefs and assumptions about actions and consequences is a reflective process vital to a growth mindset. A mindset that continues to develop and supports healthy and effective actions. Reflection is a solitary activity. A ritual well worth having. It’s like having a good talk with yourself.

Take your mental approach to the next level with my sports psychology workbook: Above the Field of Play. Or to learn about other sports psychology services (including an assessment of your present mental approach), visit my website at DrJohnPanepinto.com.

 

Performance psychology

Progressing

Dr. John Panepinto

There are two main types of progressions in building any sort of capacity—physical or mental. These progressions follow developmental stages and it’s good to know the pattern beforehand. It can save a lot of headaches and needless repetition—even keep you from giving up when you are just a step away from an important goal.  

The first progression is incremental growth. Skills, knowledge, and habits are gradually improving and it’s an additive process. This represents little steps headed in the direction of an important change. More information or efficiency has been added to your present level of performance in a skill or strategy.  

The second progression is transformative growth. This happens far less often and represents a significant change in mindset or ability. Something “clicks,” or you have a realization—an “ah-ha” moment that rearranges you on a significant level, a way of being, or a way of doing changes in quality. You see what you didn’t see before. You can do things autonomously and have created even more space for growth.  

Both progressions are important. But you can’t experience transformative growth without the small steps of incremental growth. This is the most important reason that every moment matters. Every bit of attention we pay to a process matters. Every practice matters. And then, every reflection on a practice or performance, or experience matters.  

When this makes sense, there are no good or bad days. We may say we had a “good day” or a “bad day” as a social convention but internally we know better. Every day has the seeds of growth. It all depends on what you give your attention to, and the price you pay in time, energy, and purpose.

Take your mental approach to the next level with my sports psychology workbook: Above the Field of Play. Or to learn about other sports psychology services (including an assessment of your present mental approach), visit my website at DrJohnPanepinto.com.

Photo credit: Jeff Ochoa–Unsplash.com

Performance psychology

A Sunday in June

Dr. John Panepinto

(This post originally appeared on A Father’s Path in honor of Father’s Day)

Don’t hold me to the math, but this is the 27th Sunday in June that I get to give thanks for being a father. But it depends on when you start counting. I don’t know why but as long as I can remember, I have always known I would be a father… someday. And when I consider all the stars that had to align… It’s the same breathtaking experience as a starry night.

A Father’s Path teaches many lessons. Perhaps the most important one is the dream is like a lighthouse and along the way you discover things that never are given in full form—including you. “Things” is not the right word, but as you step on the path, “something” calls. Meaning, purpose, and values are divinely revealed— and never before you are ready to receive something so precious.

Three things last. This is true or revealed as truth with each faithful step, drawn by hope, and enlivened by love.

Happy Father’s Day…

photo credit: J. Plenio

Mental Health

What are you in the Game for?

Dr. John Panepinto

(About a 3-minute read)

Hopefully in the very near future, we will step back and look at the fundamental reasons why so many of our youths are struggling. Often, we don’t look far enough downstream or deep enough below the surface. In my mind, two major trends have been building momentum for years (decades!). So much so we’ve come to the dangerous point of acceptance: “That’s how we do it here. That’s how we’ve always done it.”

The first trend is the professionalization of youth sports. The concept instills a sense of urgency to abandon the developmental tasks of childhood and adolescence for the implicit or explicit possibility of making a living playing sports. This is dangerous on so many levels, but I’ll just offer a few.

Rigid schedules and training rob children of the diversity of experiences required to master emotions, executive functioning, and problem-solving. These experiences are processes and require lots of practice in unstructured settings (not micro-managed by adult directives)—not in the least playing, creating, and exploring with other kids.

Adults tend to view through the lens of products. Adults are goal-oriented in a different way than kids and force this thinking on minds not ready to accommodate the structure. The result (no pun intended) is youths who only see the trophy, the scholarship, the fame, or the paycheck (or consumer products in myriad forms). This is the perfect playbook for a rise in anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. A perfect playbook for an empty core where what is most precious should reside. Instead…I am nothing without the result. It’s not a loss, I am a loser.

The second trend is the abuse of power. Favoritism, nepotism, and random doses of reward and punishment are signals of supposed leaders who have not figured out or do not care what happens as a result of their actions. The ego is a trickster and can rationalize just about anything. Whether it’s making empty promises to kids or outright lies to powerless parents. Or parents playing the same misinformed game with their kids. Or adults living their unfulfilled dreams in borrowed flesh.

The data continuously reveals that a small percentage of young athletes reach the pinnacle. The numbers also reveal that youths quit organized sports in adolescence—most of the time very early in this stage. What the numbers don’t reveal is the sense of self (taking form at this stage) for either group. How has the experience changed them? What do they think about themselves? Others? Life?

Once, a father told me that a tennis coach barked at a group of seven and eight-year-olds, “I’m here to train college tennis players.” This dad found another place to play. Most likely, no one in the group will fulfill that coach’s dream. And, at that age, college is just a word on a hoodie.

Fun has gotten a bad rap in a results-driven world. But fun is a secondary feeling elicited by the primary emotional systems of seeking and play. We were born to explore and play reciprocally and creatively, and both lead us to become more fully human in all developmental domains. Fun is not trivial. Its absence for kids is no small thing. Fun is the root of freedom, the first scent of interests and abilities—something we value as adults.

It’s an honor to coach. Once you’ve been a parent, you sense that you are always coaching someone’s son or someone’s daughter. As a coach you’ve been given power and the freedom to choose. The choice is not trivial. The first principle is always, “Do no harm.” But you have to know what kids need to obey the principle.

image credit: Ken Treloar, unsplash.com

Performance psychology

The Fundamental Habit

Dr. John Panepinto

One habit stands above all others—or should I say below. It provides the foundation for meeting the moment and applies to all roles and situations. In one of the most important books ever written, Man’s Search for Meaning, holocaust survivor Dr. Viktor Frankl, offered that our greatest freedom is our power to choose our attitude.

In this sense, attitude is not referring to the popular use of the word (“You have a bad attitude”). It’s not a descriptor. Attitude is the direction we are pointed in, meaning we intentionally choose our movement into future. We have no control of the great complexity we meet in the world—except how we choose to act. 

The space between what we perceive and how we respond is the essence of a human being becoming. The habit of entering that space is the greatest of all. Disciplines that teach us to rein in the wild horses of the mind begin with this intention. To honor this space. 

The ways to reach this space are few and the obstacles are many. In a world that reflexively searches for answers with deft thumbs misses something critical…  The search for meaning does not have an algorithm. Reflection and contemplation happen in silence, stillness, and solitude.

Those three “S” words make many shudder.

In the role of athlete, coach, or parent, the space for our greatest habit can grow giving more perspective and more room for developing knowledge and skills. If this space doesn’t grow, we repeat the past. Or we act out scripts without our names in the byline.

And that makes me shudder.

(This post originally appeared in A Father’s Path and was edited to suit for athletes and coaches)

images credit: J. Plenio (J Plenio Photography) and Daniel Gonzalez (unsplash)